These Are Our Hearts
by Neversaid-I-Madesense
Summary: This is my heart, this is my love. Take it or leave it, just admit you feel the same, because I know you do. AshSoot, BreezeJay, TigerFire, slight BerryBirch. Slash, incest, bit of an AU.
1. ONE: This Is My Heart, This Is My Love

These Are Our Hearts

__

This is my heart, this is my love. Take it or leave it, just admit you feel the same, because I know you do. AshSoot, BreezeJay, TigerFire, slight BerryBirch, incest.

Sgfhjfkdsgfhdjksl; First of all, I blame **Kari Kurofai** for getting me hooked on AshSoot and BreezeJay, AND BerryBirch. I was already obsessed with TigerFire on my own, so that's my fault xD Umberheart is my own character, my warriorsona in fact, and she's mentioned somewhere in one of these chapters. Also, I couldn't decide whether Sootfur had yellow eyes or blue eyes (because in one book it says blue, while _another_ says yellow…), so I gave him one of each! HAHA! Am I fantastical or what? o3o

* * *

Ashfur shuffled his feet nervously, staring at his paws. Above the tom, the stars Silverpelt twinkled, but he paid them no notice. His mind was only on one thing, or one _cat_. His body felt much heavier than it should, as well as his heart, which ached like a thousand badly-stitched scars. His head hung, and his tail quivered. His gray, darker-flecked fur was slick and well-groomed, not a hair out of place. With good reason.

Before him was the lake, the reflection of the stars sparkling in it. It was night, obviously, and the nearly full moon cast the world around him in a blue hue, and his bright blue eyes gave off a light glow against the dark sky, but the emotions in them were indecipherable. His expression was guarded, even though no one was around to see. He was alone. He had been ever since he had convinced himself that he loved Squirrelflight, only to lose her to Brambleclaw. He had only feigned his 'love' for her so that he could deny the truth…

Another gray tom approached, sitting beside him. His fur was also neat, but it looked much softer, and was a lighter, more delicate shade than Ashfur's, markless and scarless, which was almost unheard of among cats his age. He wasn't old, neither of them were, but Clanlife was hard and unforgiving. They both considered themselves lucky to keep their good looks unspoiled.

The newcomer's eyes were brilliant, or at least Ashfur thought they were. One was dark blue, with a light in them that always made the flecked tom's heart skip a beat. The other was a wonderful golden-amber, which could light up the sun on any leafbare morning. The handsome tom spoke, his voice calm and flowing like water over smooth pebbles, "You wanted to see me, Ashfur?"

Ashfur's heart leapt into his throat, and he found it difficult to speak, before he spluttered out, "Um, yes, Sootfur. I-I wanted to tell you something, something that I think is very important." His voice hitched uncharacteristically, and he dug his silver claws into the ground, cursing himself for sounding so odd.

When he paused too long, Sootfur raised a brow, amusement dancing in his mismatched, yet so beautifully matched orbs. "Well?" He inquired, scooting closer to the flecked warrior, giving the slightest of smirks when Ashfur let out a small yelp as his fur brushed against Sootfur's. "Spit it out." His tone was gentle and teasing, but it still managed to make Ashfur shiver.

Ashfur stared at Sootfur with wide eyes. Did he know? He couldn't-- he hadn't been _that_ obvious about it, had he?! StarClan, he hoped not--! "SootfurIloveyouIdon'tcareifStarClandoesn'tapprovejustlovemeplease!" He blurted out in one breath. He hadn't even realized he had said it until Sootfur froze, then purred louder than the water-monsters that Twolegs rode on during greenleaf.

Ashfur grew so hot under his fur that his cheeks actually gained a pink tint to them.

Sootfur rubbed his flank against his fellow Clanmate-- _or just "mate"?_-- and murmured in a deep rumble that Ashfur knew he himself could never pull off, even though his half-brother was younger than he, "I've been waiting for you to finally tell me." The younger warrior dug his face into the older tom's neck fur, inhaling his scent that reminded him somehow or blueberries.

Ashfur shivered again, but this time didn't even bother trying to hide it. "But, Sootfur…" Said tom stopped his advances temporarily, gazing up into his face curiously. "We're both toms. We can't… we can't do this." Sootfur blinked, traces of disbelief etching itself on his features.

"I thought you said you didn't care if StarClan didn't approve?" Both of the lighter tom's brows were raised in question, and his tail swished from side-to-side once in slight annoyance.

"W-well… I changed my mind. Do you really want to go through all of the hatred we'll have to face if we get together?" Ashfur questioned, hoping to reason with his younger half-sibling, while at the same time hoping not to.

Sootfur stared at him for a few agonizingly long seconds, before mewing, "Berrynose and Birchfall seem to be doing just fine." and resumed his advances, once again burying his muzzle in Ashfur's fur.

Ashfur's eyes widened almost comically, fur fluffing up a little in shock, making Sootfur chuckle as his face was tickled by puffed flecked fur. "B-Berrynose and _Birchfall_?!" Ashfur squeaked, having never even noticed or considered such a thing. But, now that he'd thought about it… was he really so oblivious?

"_Yes_, Berrynose and Birchfall. It's quite clear to everyone, and no one really seems to give half a mouse's tail in the least. At least one same-sex relationship comes around in every generation, in every Clan." Sootfur explained, smirking at Ashfur's wince at the word 'sex.' "Firestar told me himself. But he did seem a bit off when he told me. I think he may even have some experience in that field himself." Ashfur looked at him in complete bafflement.

"_Firestar_? But… I thought he loved Sandstorm?! A _she_-cat?!"

"He does." Sootfur amended, then added, "But apparently he loved someone else who is dead now even more than her… and Spottedleaf." Ashfur blinked at him stupidly. Spottedleaf? Who was-- oh right, of course. That dead medicine cat. He never really thought of her much, even when he was an apprentice and the elders would babble on about her, and how great she was. She sounded a little _too_ great if someone asked him. He had doubted that she really existed, especially when the elder's tales of her started to get annoying. Huh. So he guessed those rumors of Spottedleaf and Firestar _were_ true…

"But we're half brothers." Ashfur tried feebly, but as he expected, Sootfur didn't stop. Not even a pause.

"And I care why?" The younger tom meowed with the smallest hint of a growl in his voice, and Ashfur realized he must be getting a little irritated by his fighting. Sighing, he relaxed, and returned Sootfur's purrs just as loudly, if not more. He knew he could not change Sootfur's mind. He closed his eyes.

_We'll get through this._ He opened one eye to glare challengingly at the stars that he knew were watching them. _Whether you approve or not. This is my heart, this is my love._ Their pelts intermingled into one flawless shade of gray. They would never have it any other way.

* * *

**A/N:** Review?


	2. TWO: Take It Or Leave It

**A/N:** Mm'kay, this chappie is BreezeJay with mentions of AshSoot and BerryBirch.

* * *

Jayfeather flit his tail back and forth. He was bored. Out of his _mind_. He had nothing to do. No one was sick, no one was injured (though he supposed that was a good thing) and none of the herbs needed to be restocked. Leafpool, annoying as she was, had decided to hog all of the nest space in the medicine cat's den, so he couldn't take a nap either. It was dawn, but the Clan had yet to wake up.

But a sudden noise caught his attention, two cats were entering the camp. Their scents wafted into his nose, and he recognized them as Ashfur and Sootfur, who had waves of happiness and contentment coming off them, that it almost made the bitter, loveless tabby want to gag.

Well, not _entirely_ loveless. Just unrequited. And forbidden. And _wrong_.

_Breezepelt…_

The guards may had not detected it, but Jayfeather had. He could _see_ the imagine in his mind. The two gray tom's flanks were far too closely pressed against the other, and their tails were intertwined, with wide smiles on their faces. Ashfur looked _and_ smelled frazzled, and had the glow of a tom who just lost their virginit--

Oh no way.

It was no secret in ThunderClan that Jayfeather was far too nosy for his own good. "Hey, Ashfur! Sootfur! Wait up!" He called, standing up and walking over to them. Sootfur groaned, and Ashfur stared at the ground in embarrassment. Great. Jayfeather saw them. The medicine cat apprentice then did what he was infamous for.

Asking intrusive questions.

"Where were you? What were you doing? Why are you so close? Why at _niiiiight_?" Jayfeather couldn't help it, he waggled his brows suggestively to emphasize the last part. He could feel Sootfur's glare burning into his tabby-striped gray fur, and the heat of Ashfur's blush. He gave a wide, lopsided smirk when they said nothing. It only confirmed his suspicions.

"Why do _you_ care?" Sootfur snapped, putting himself between Ashfur and Jayfeather. "Are you so devoid of emotions that you have to look to others for entertainment?!" He hissed, putting his face in Jayfeather's. Said tom could feel the other's hot breath on his face. But then Sootfur froze, and let a smug smirk of his own spread across his features. "_Oh_." he mewed knowingly, "I understand _now_."

Jayfeather blinked his sightless eyes at him in confusion, but Sootfur had ushered Ashfur off to the warrior's den before he could say anything. He bristled slightly. What had he meant by that? Had he… had he seen something in his blue gaze that he wasn't supposed to see?

Jayfeather prayed to StarClan that he hadn't.

* * *

Tonight was the Gathering, and Jayfeather couldn't feel more disgustingly giddy. Even with Berrynose and Birchfall being stupid lovebirds over three foxlengths away. Ever since he had discovered his… _disturbing_ feelings for the WindClan tom Breezepelt, he had loved Gatherings, if only because of the chance to catch a glimpse of the grouchy dark tom. Not literally, but you know what he meant.

Images of the object of his affections flooded his mind, and he let out an almost blissful sigh. How he wished they could be together. If only he weren't a medicine cat, and if only they were in the same Clan… if only they weren't both _toms_ (and if only they weren't half-brothers as well, as he would discover later). He didn't know how his attraction to the irritable WindClan warrior had began. But he did know when. When they were in the mountains, Jayfeather had seen a side of the dark tom that no one else had, and had seen just how much pain he went through every day because of his father. He wasn't as horrid as everyone thought he was. In fact, he could be quite compassionate and sweet if he wanted to, but not without a couple insults thrown in just to ease his pride. He had intrigued Jayfeather at first, and then it grew. His heart would leap into his throat every time he scented him nearby and he would stiffen, wanting nothing more than to rub his flank affectionately against the WindClan tom. And if Jayfeather didn't know any better, he would say the same thing went through Breezepelt's mind too, if the emotions coming off him in waves were any indication. But that was impossible, he couldn't feel the same.

He shuffled his feet nervously, waiting for his turn to cross the fallen tree.

* * *

As the leaders called off the Gathering, Jayfeather's tail drooped in disappointment. He hadn't even _scented_ Breezepelt. Was he even attending this moon? It didn't seem like it. Well, hopefully next moo--

The gray tabby's thoughts were cut off abruptly as he felt himself being tugged into the bushes, out of sight and earshot of everyone else. He bristled, expecting an attack of some kind, but the only thing he felt was a rough tongue rasping over his ears. He recognized the cat's scent immediately and froze.

"B-Breezepelt?" He stuttered lamely in a quiet voice. His sightless eyes were wide in shock.

"The one and only." A smug voice replied, and Jayfeather could _hear_ the smirk in it. His fur flattened slightly, but he didn't allow his muscles to relax. Breezepelt and purring. Loudly. And he was _giving him a bath_.

"What in the name of StarClan are you--?"

"_Shh_." The WindClan tom silenced him, but then meowed in a firm, clear, articulate voice, "This is my heart, this is my love. Take it or leave it." His bright eyes bore into Jayfeather's, who found himself unable to form words.

Then, shaking himself out of it, he murmured, "I think I'll take it."

* * *

Jayfeather scrambled to catch up with the other ThunderClan cats, he skidded to a stop, resuming a normal speed at the rear. "StarClan, I hope no one noticed how long I was…"

Glancing over his shoulder at him, slyly, Sootfur replied, "Nope. Not a one."

Ashfur giggled beside him.

* * *

**A/N:** Review?


	3. THREE: Just Admit You Feel the Same

**A/N:** This chapter is TigerFire entirely :3

* * *

Firestar stared at the prey in blatant boredom. He just couldn't summon the will to hunt it, besides, he was dreaming, he could do whatever he wanted. He was lying on his belly, paws neatly tucked underneath him. His dark green eyes were half-lidded, and his flanks rose and fell evenly as he breathed.

The mouse sat on it's haunches, nibbling away on a seed in that cute way rodents did. It was completely oblivious to the creature that would normally be trying to eat it right now. The dark red tom flicked one ear to shoo away a fly. The mouse kept eating.

Life in ThunderClan had been incredibly peaceful (to him, at least. Oh Firestar, if only you knew what was going on in the minds of some of your warriors…), and he was finally starting to consider that perhaps Tigerstar had given up on trying to murder him through living cats. He blinked once, yawning soundlessly, and rested his head on his flame-red paws. The mouse didn't even pause.

But it did squeak and dart off into the grass (seeds apparently forgotten), however, when large, dark brown tabby paws landed right next to it, nearly squashing it into oblivion.

Firestar jumped, fur fluffing up, wide eyes shooting upwards to see… "T-Tigerstar!" he gasped, flushing under his fur but hoping it went unnoticed. It didn't, as a light entered the dead ShadowClan leader's eyes, making Firestar winced.

The large dark tabby smirked, bright amber eyes dancing. "Why hello, kittypet." He greeted in a nonchalant voice, sitting down on his haunches and giving his paw a few light licks. "Long time no see." His tail-tip twitched lazily.

Baring his teeth, Firestar stood and backed away a little, arching his back. "Why are you here?!" he hissed, unsheathing his claws. He couldn't believe this. He had been dreaming so that he could get _away_ from all of his troubles, of all his _regrets_…

First, there was Smudge. He hadn't really understood it then, but he had felt an infatuation with the black-and-white kittypet. When his feelings for Spottedleaf had begun to surface, he had recognized those feelings as the same ones he had felt for Smudge. It had baffled him. Could two toms be together? He knew they could in Twolegplace, it was far more welcomed there, but here, in the Clans? It was taboo. He couldn't turn back, either. He had come too far by the time he realized to return to his first love.

Then there was Spottedleaf. Dear, sweet Spottedleaf. He didn't know how he had come to love her, anyway. They had barely interacted at all, but all the same, he developed a crush on the pretty tortoiseshell. His anguish at the discovery of her murder was like nothing he'd ever experienced. It was enough to rival the pain he had felt when gaining his nine lives.

Then Sandstorm. It had surprised him, but then again, looking back, he really shouldn't have been so surprised. She was the only one he hadn't lost, and he swore to keep it that way. If either of them was going to die, he would be first. He loved her, no question about it. But the feelings he held for her were nothing compared to--

Should he really be thinking about _that_ now? Those unwanted, sick feelings for the murderer? _Tigerstar_? He didn't understand where it had come from in the first place. Sure, he was attractive. Sure, his voice was like calm water over smooth pebbles (or when he was angry, water over gravel). Sure, he had completely and utterly stolen Firestar's heart…

The ginger tom faltered in his step as he felt a lightheaded dreaminess wash over his senses, and he fought to regain himself. As he straightened, it had worked, but not completely. Tigerstar had not moved, and for a second Firestar wondered if he could hear his thoughts. When no answer came, he supposed not.

Firestar let out a sharp breath as Tigerstar lunged forward so quickly that he looked like a dark flash. He barreled headfirst into the ginger ThunderClan leader, and Firestar let out a grunt of pain as his back collided with the earth, Tigerstar on top of him. The tabby's large paws were planted firmly on his shoulders, effectively pinning him down with no chance of escape; he was simply too large.

Firestar coughed slightly, feebly trying to kick himself out from under the huge tom. "Tigerstar, what in the name of StarClan are you--"

Tigerstar cut him off, growling, "Don't bring _them_ into this." He put his face in Firestar's, so close that their noses were touching. The ThunderClan leader barely suppressed a shiver as the ShadowClan leader's hot breath blew onto his whiskers, which quivered.

"A-are you going to try and kill me?" He choked out at last, hating how fearful he sounded. Tigerstar blinked at him in what looked like shock, before throwing his head back and laughing. Loudly. Biting his lip, Firestar snapped, "And just _what_ is so funny?!" he was beginning to grow tired of this game. If he was going to kill him, then _get on with it_!

But he didn't, the tabby just stopped laughing and stared down intensely at the bright ginger tom, which both served to puzzle and fluster him. He froze, muscles unwilling to move.

"I know how you feel about me." The former ShadowClan leader said at last, and Firestar's eyes widened in horror. "I've known for quite some time, actually. I've just been waiting for the right moment." His gaze was locked on the ThunderClan leader's, not budging at all. He hardly even seemed to be breathing as he waited for the ginger tom's response.

Firestar spluttered unintelligently. Tigerstar chuckled. Lowering his head back down into Firestar's, he murmured, "This is my heart, this is my love. Take it or leave it, just admit you feel the same." His amber eyes were displaying emotions Firestar had never seen in them before, they almost looked pleading.

And much to his own amazement, he considered it. Being mates with a _male_, murderous, _dead_ cat who could visit him every night in his sleep with no problems, who he most certainly loved more than anything. It seemed absolutely insane and a dream come true all at once.

Hesitantly, cautiously, Firestar stretched his neck upward to nuzzle the tabby's neck, purring shakily while wondering just what he had gotten himself into.

For the first time since the ShadowClan leader could remember, Tigerstar gave a genuine smile, himself wondering just what would lay in store for him and his newfound mate.

* * *

**A/N:** I apologize for the wait! Review?


	4. FOUR: Because I Know You Do

**A/N:** Lucky you, this chapter has _all_ the pairings. Forgive me for taking so long to update! D:

* * *

"I don't want you with her anymore, Fiery."

Firestar sighed, "How many times have I told you not to call me that, Tigerstar?"

The former ShadowClan leader shrugged, grinning easily, "It sounds good." His expression turned serious, "But don't think that I'll let you change the subject. I don't want you with Sandstorm anymore, Fiery."

"Well, _Tigey_, how do you expect me to just separate from her all of a sudden, with no explanation? My feelings for her may have dimmed, but I still care about her. I don't want to break her heart." Firestar mumbled into the tabby's chest fur, as they lay side-by-side on the dreamscape shores of the sun-drown-place.

"I don't care. I can't go another day watching her nuzzle you in the way only I can." Tigerstar growled, refusing to look his mate in the face. He didn't want the ThunderClan leader to see just how much this was bothering him. Firestar belonged to _him_ and no one else-- especially not that annoying sandy she-cat!

"What will Squirrelflight and Leafpool think of me if I do that?" Firestar meowed gently, and Tigerstar's ears flattened. The dark deceased cat had come to think of the two she-cats as his own, considering their father was his mate, which was one of the reasons why Squirrelflight and Brambleclaw's love had disturbed him so much.

He would never tell that the reason why Leafpool was a brown tabby instead of ginger like her parents; he had used all his strength to bless the medicine cat when she was still in Sandstorm's womb. He had only had enough to bless one kit, and apparently his influence had altered her fur color as well; perhaps even her eye color, which were amber like Tigerstar's, but not quite as golden-- they seemed paler in shade.

He was unsure of what Firestar would think of him, deliberately giving one of his daughters the power to give birth to the Three, which he had not even known of at the time of the blessing. He was sure StarClan had no idea where the Three's powers had come from, either.

He wasn't about to spill the mousebile when things were getting so complicated for his three grandchildren. Lionblaze would blame him for their screwed-up lives, surely. He couldn't risk that. Not when the golden tabby was so close to obtaining power.

_The power that should have been mine, if not for Scourge._ The dark tom thought disdainfully, but when the smaller reddish tom next to him nudged him gently with a quiet, "Tigerstar?" his mood changed entirely.

"I'm fine, kittypet." Tigerstar murmured. "All right, I suppose I can understand your reasoning. But I still don't like it."

Firestar smiled and purred, "Everything will be alright, love. Just you wait and see."

_I wish I could believe you._ The deceased tom thought, _But with everything I know that you do not, it is difficult._

"You know I love you, right?" Firestar's words caught him by surprise and he looked down at the red leader, brows raised.

"I could never doubt it, kittypet." He rumbled with a vicious certainty.

"I believe you, but…" Firestar searched for the right words, "…how can you be so sure?"

"I don't need reassurance, because I know you do." Was Tigerstar's simple reply.

* * *

"Sootfur?"

Said tom grumbled and rolled over in his nest.

"Sooty?"

No response.

"WAKE UP YOU STUPID FUZZBALL."

Sootfur leapt to his feet with a startled yelp. "W-what?!" He exclaimed, looking around wildly. "Are we being attacked--?!"

An amused chuckle rose from within Ashfur's throat. "Relax, you sleepy moron. Everything's fine. Brambleclaw just needs you for a patrol." His blue eyes shone with love. Luckily for the two, the warrior's den was empty, so they could speak as lovers as much as they wanted.

Sootfur blinked twice. "Oh." He replied simply, and made a dash out of the den, brushing his flank along Ashfur's as he went.

"I love you." The flecked gray tom whispered as the other tom went grinned,

Sootfur grinned, "I know you do."

* * *

"I wonder why Firestar's been acting so weird lately-- especially around Sandstorm?" Jayfeather murmured, sitting beside Breezepelt as the Clan leaders addressed all the cats in the clearing. Their pelts were brushing just enough to show each other that they still cared, but not so close that cats would start to suspect something odd. They were sitting in the back, where there was a lesser chance of being overheard.

Firestar had been avoiding Sandstorm like the plague ever since he had woken up from a nap that morning, a guilty-yet-knowing gleam in his eyes-- or, with Jayfeather who was blind, in his aura. It almost seemed as if his avoidance of his mate was for the best-- but for who, the gray tabby was unsure. For Sandstorm herself, or… for the red leader's own heart?

"I wish you'd stop obsessing over things that were none of your business." Breezepelt joked, rolling his eyes playfully.

"I'm serious." Jayfeather hissed back, though there was no real anger in his tone.

Breezepelt chuckled, "I know you are. That's why I love you."

The ThunderClan medicine cat apprentice scoffed, his blind blue eyes shining, "Oh, be silent-- because I know you do."

* * *

**A/N:** -melts in a pile of mush- How sappy was that, really? Though I just had to add in my theory of why Leafpool is brown instead of ginger. I know it easily could have been feline genetics alone, but still x3


End file.
